- Yes Virginia, there really are other cars with people inside them, on the road, besides yourself.
- Stay within your lane. A lane is surrounded by a dotted line on the right and another one on the left. Sometimes the dotted line is a solid line. Sometimes they're yellow, sometimes they're white.
- Don't drive on the right-hand lane to immediately correct in front of me making me stomp on my brakes! You know perfectly well that a bus or two or three...or taxis...are gonna stop right in front of ya any minute.
- When you need to change lanes, use your indicator and wait, don't try to crash against my fender at all costs.
- I will no longer be behind you for you to stop every five minutes. I'm passing you and passing you HARD. Watch my dust sucka!
- Stop pulsing your brake lights at me. I am not into light shows. I can look at a Christmas tree for that.
- Stop stopping in the middle of the road when you suddenly snap out of the drug-induced daze you've been in all your life.
- Stop looking at your rear view mirror at the queue of ticked off cars behind you...just keep moving forward...particularly when the light is green.
- I will no longer patiently wait while you load or unload lazy people in the middle of a busy, construction ridden Chicago street.
- When the stop light turns green, you need to push the accelerator with your foot to move forward. It's the pedal to the left of the brake. No...your other left.
- Speaking of left or right, make sure you know what turn you need to make, ahead of time. And by the way, no, you can't reverse once you're already turning and I'm thisclose to your rear bumper.
- If you're scared of that big, bad 2 feet wide by 1 foot deep Chicago-style pothole, do yourself a favor and move to Europe. But don't brake in front of me suddenly when the light's green and the traffic cop is urging us to go.
Open Letter to BAD Drivers in Chicago
To all taxi drivers and other drivers in Chicago who don't know how to drive and scare me (no scratch that, tick me off!):