3.30.2010

Fuzzy

That's how I feel lately. Fuzzy. I don't remember things quickly enough, and I take a longer time to do things. I can push myself to have energy if I have to, but I'm not very optimistic or energetic otherwise. This is unlike me, I like to do stuff. I may not always get things done, but I start things and I am energetic and forward moving. This is a dull lull.

It could be a combination of lack of sleep, stress, and worry. I may be avoiding letting go of some things, or not dealing with emotions during the stressful times that make them come about. I always react well in cases of emergency, I land on my feet. That takes a toll. I get tired.

Fuzzyness is probably a reaction to all of the above plus too many classes this term. Heavy handed homework that requires thought, time, and writing...lots of writing. Gladly, two ended and two more have just one more month to go. Only the online web programming classes remain.

I drive too much lately too. Gas is expensive, parking is expensive. Drivers drive badly and don't use indicator signals. Drivers act like they're in the Mohave desert rather than a civilized highway with rules and lanes painted on the pavement.

I drove over 2,400 miles in less than two months' time. That's a tad heavy, yeah? But what can I do, I had to get to school, I have to visit mom at the hospital. Everything's so distant. I like driving a lot, but split second reactions to bad drivers can be tiring.

Worse part is, I try to occupy my time with sometimes unproductive online things, because coming home late at night, you don't really feel like walking outdoors for a good half hour or more. You don't feel like calling people up and saying: "what's up?" It's dark and it's cold, it's unseasonal, and I'm tired.

Am I giving things the runaround, or am I taking on too many things head on? Just when I think I found a schedule for day-to-day things, something always happens to send it up in the air, which I always cope with and readjust, but still...

I want to take long walks in warm, sunny weather. Days with cool breezes, sunshine, and birds. With Benny sniffing the rabbits out. Spending time with family and friends having a tea or coffee, or meeting for a meal. I want to have outings scheduled and projects planned and starting very soon. I want to fix up the townhome, it looks forlorn sometimes.

It's good to stick with these wants though. I think that's what they call the here and now, that elusive state of normalcy. That's where it's best to entrench onself in. It's healthier.

Here's hoping I get unfuzzy soon, there's lots of work to be done.

How do you snap out of fuzzyness?