3.31.2011

Closing One Door To Open Another

Today I realized something. If you end up wishing a person well often, because they keep starting new projects or lifestyles continuously...they're kinda stuck on life's luggage carrousel. It's a huge red flag right there.

It's fine to have lots of projects up in the air. That's one thing. But if someone continually seeks re-starts, and major ones at that, then there's something either destructive inside of them, or they're repeating an unhealthy pattern. That's kinda scary in away, for them. And those around them.

It's a great ability and virtue to be able to pick oneself up from a major life event and move forward. People always underestimate their own ability to survive challenges. But sometimes, people go looking for bad news. You know?

Say, someone quits their job because they got a great new opportunity. Awesome, knock 'em dead. But then, if that person quits the new job soon thereafter because there's greener grass to be had elsewhere... well that's not so good. Why so much changing around? Even before they get used to living in "their new skin" and environment? Not to mention this looks bad on your resume.

Same thing with people who hop from one relationship to the next. And the next. Stop and take a breath already, yeah? They're possibly trying to find themselves in the relationship. As their sense of self changes day-to-day, they find mismatches with the people they're currently with. Sometimes those mismatches are too much to bear. Rather than learning to live with the msimatches, or at leaset, giving them a fair shake, they quit abruptly and move on.

Sometimes, the best option is to stay in stasis. Status quo. Think it over. Sleep on it. Just give situations time, really. When something feels right it'll flow right too. Without earthshaking cataclysms. Without spinning your head or turning your (and other people's) worlds upside down.

It's easy to forget that as beings, we're continuously changing. Our mood changes depending on where we are, who we're talking to/about, what we're wearing, what's happening nearby, etc.

It's completely natural to be in constant or periodical  flux. Especially these days as we live in an oversaturated state from social media and other stimulats.

Being aware of all these things and letting them influence you in some ways, means you're paying attention to what's going on inside and outside of you. But that's why there are societal anchors to hold us steady as we go. Constants that help keep us hooked into reality, while we take a peek at the great beyond and see what tickles our fancy.

Spouses, significant others, children, friends, families, jobs, communities, etc. Those are the constants as we continuously warp and redesign ourselves, twist in the wind of "what if," and come out of our cocoons as reincarnated butterflies. Or as whatever.

Being able to grow as a person, find new hobbies, etc., is part of the forward momentum of life. It's what it means to be a smart, productive individual. But it's so, so important to do all our growing up while causing a minimum of growing pains to our constants. It's that showing of care to those around us that makes things worthwhile.

It's not only courteous, but good karma (!) to maintain a minimum of inconvenience and disruption to our social anchors. Our loved ones. Taking that responsibility is the first step and a fundamental part of growing up. Acting like an adult. Pulling oneself up by the bootstraps. Sadly, many folks miss the opportunity to show they give a damn, and instead leave a wake of destruction behind them. Maybe they're just not ready for the challenge.

Those folks are the real tsunamis. And yet, their path of destruction can be the impetus for you to grow out of your comfort zone, out of old patterns, and come out of it the better for it. At the very least, you learn to keep your wake a little calmer than theirs in the future.

I just wanted to get this off my chest, because, I also struggle in the shadows sometimes. If I see someone grasping in the shadows for things, repeating painful patterns, and causing themselves and a lot of other people a lot of pain for it--someone should go to them and say hey take a pause. Chillax for a minute. There's always a better way. There's always another option. Choose wisely.